Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize