You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize