is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
