I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
