is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
