haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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