so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
