I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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