I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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