Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
