She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
