How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
