I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
even my farts smell like vagina
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize