Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize