At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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