I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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