Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
