Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
