He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
