Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
