Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
organizing the empties. That sober.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
