Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
