I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
