There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
