she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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