Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
