after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
