So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
