he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Someone stole a lamp last night.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
