OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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