You just made me feel so damn special
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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