Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize