come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
