Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
