My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
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