this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
