Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
