I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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