guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
