The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
