i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
