twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
