I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
