I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
