Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
