Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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