Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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