Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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