I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
