hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
