don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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