all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Im part way to drunk.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
