I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We are two peas in an std pod
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
