he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize