there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Text me some of your sweat
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
