At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
where are my pants?
in the oven.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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