I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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