have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
