ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i came on her dog
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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