turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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