I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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