he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Green mimosas i think yes
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
